School Hard, Me Stressed.

I got a lot of fricking work to do, you know that?  No time to blog.  Here, enjoy a picture.  I'm "growing mold" in my studio via plastic and water.

PS:  Finally figured out what the heck I'm doing, bully for me.  I'll give you a hint:  it has to do with a line from Ghostbusters.

PPS: Did you know that university faculty job applications take 30+ hours each to complete?  I haven't slept in 5 days I am drooling on my keyboard right now i need sleep....much sleeps....
Carrie M. Becker

Working Backwards

Someone once told me, "If you knew how I made my music, you'd never listen to it again."

I think I can relate to that.

I am in a really weird place right now and a lot of things are happening at once.  Since changing my approach to making art, I'm left with many unanswered questions as far as content is concerned. In the old method, I'd come up with something I felt passionately about, choose my materials and make stuff.  Sounds simple enough, right? Call it boring or simplistic, good or bad,  - I don't know - certain people have been vocal in steering me away from this method.  It's been pointed out to me that grad school is time for experimentation, and yes I understand that, but I feel like I'm loosing my control. I'd like to point out that what I'm experiencing is a great thing- but my thesis has to be done and installed in 3 months and I'm getting REALLY panicky that it won't be done. I'm all for experimenting and I'm even thrilled with the results that I'm getting, but I still can't shake the feeling that I should've been in this place a year ago and been able to move past it since.  Ce la vie.

So, the red and pink plastic discs came from some material tests that happened to turn out nicely...and then I made a shitload of them!  All of this was encouraged, and formally-speaking I like my results, but I still have no clear idea what they are or what I have to say for their existence.

My path is not very clear, but there are reasons for that.  It seems like all of the ideas in which I felt like I had something to say were either ignored or criticized in favor of something else. I am really trying to see the other side of the coin here, but in the meantime I'm left with "So what now?"

On Friday, I took certain people's advice and hauled my plasticlings out to a couple abandoned houses in the Middle-of-Nowhere, Kansas.  At first I took purely installation shots and felt ambivalent about the results. Then, I inserted myself into the scene and now I think I'm on to something!  The above photo is one of my finer results.  I was going to keep it secret, but I really need feedback and what I'm doing. Is it worth pursing, or am I out of my head?  I am enjoying the site-installation experiments immensely and actually feel like this is something that I could've been doing all along.

   The only nagging thing is that I still don't feel that this work has a clear-cut purpose.  There are allusions to meaning things, but nothing is spelled out.  I like the ambiguity, but I have no idea how to write a thesis on it! Guess that means I'm getting closer to making art, right? : )
Carrie M. Becker

It's Getting Better

This here art over yonder haunts me in my dreams.  I went to bed at one am, now I'm up at five am, wondering how the hell I'm going to "transform" a gallery space with my little gelatin cervixes here.  (Although, I should probably not EVER use THAT word in conjunction with my work, lest I label myself a "feminist" artist.  Argh!

And I promise, I'll post a diatribe on why I hate "feminist" art real, real soon.)

Yesterday I picked up one of my little pink blotches and asked it "Why don't you tell me what you are?"  I am totally working ass-backwards here.  I have always started with the concept, then made the work.  Now, I'm making things that I have NO IDEA what they are.  It's a little troublesome, but in a good way. I'm trying a different approach, I'm out of my comfort zone, it's a good thing...I think.  I will probably not think so in four months, but that's a different blog for a different time.

Lately, I've been trying to visualize my work as though it truly was not mine, as though I had merely stumbled upon it in a gallery.  How would I like to encounter it? What would the artist statement say? Would I even give a shit if this was someone else's work? 

What to do with these forms?  What are they? Bacteria, hosts, parasites? Berries, bruises, fruit?  Wanton alien cervixes sent to destroy the world?  Where do they live- in decayed, old buildings or the middle of the prairie?  Damn, alien cow patties, that's all I need  for comparisons!  I think they will undulate in piles on the floor of the gallery, stack up in autonomous colonies and take over the space. I still don't know why they exist, though. I haven't decided if they are benevolent or malevolent, even.  But I am getting somewhere- very, very, slowly.  But the ideas are starting to come faster than they did just a couple of weeks ago, so I don't think it will be long before I have answered all of my questions.